Coming back

I have to be honest. I totally forgot I even had a blog, since the only reason I actually made this thing was to fulfill an assignment for a high school English class. But today I received a comment on one of my posts that I'm going to take as an invitation to start writing again.
I've been blessed to spend a lot of time with family this week, and doing so has opened my eyes to a very poignant truth: who I am has long been unknown to those closest to me. My thoughts and search for meaning seems to be an enigma to those around me. You see, I search for depth of meaning. I'm rather existentialist you might say. Nothing to the extent of Kierkegaard or Nietzsche, although I do aspire to be so thoughtful as a philosopher. No, but I do seek out meaning. And without meaning, I do feel some existential angst.
We really have been thrust into a world that forces us to find out what it means to be human, to embrace not only the good and the bad within ourselves but to fight to create something more of us than we otherwise would have been. The purpose of life is not only to exist but to overcome, to enjoy, to become. I seek to know the why of life to better understand the best way to live.
What does it mean to be alive? What is the great blessing of being human? How do I come to know what is reality? What consequences do my ideas and beliefs hold that should guide how I live my life?
There is no idea without a consequence. Everything ever spoken or believed has shaped the face of human existence for good or for bad. In my pursuit of knowledge and the good life, am I letting the best idea win out or just the idea I want to win? Do I shape the truth to my life, or is my life shaped by the truth? Is there truly such thing as objectivity in a completely rose colored world? Can I, as a thinking, purposive agent ever come to know a completely objective truth, existing outside of my own being? Or am I forever doomed to seek out things only as they are true for me?
What is morality? What is the good life? Is there really a God above who guides us and cares for us and who has laid down a moral law that my life should conform to in order to experience true and lasting happiness? Or is this life all that there is, just a random conglomeration of matter in motion, utterly deterministic and materialistic with no meaning, aim, morality, or guiding principle? How can a person find happiness in a world devoid of meaning?
These are questions that shape my existence and my relationships with myself and others. If I can figure out the right way to view the world, then I can figure out the right way to live my life- what it means to live the good life.
Life is full of questions. Join me in the search for answers.